Bill Dollear

William Dollear
wkdollear@comcast.net
Chicago, da south side

North and South Sides of Chicago

The North and the South. Throughout history, there have been chasms between the two. First, there was the Civil War. Then and now Korea is divided between the North and South. Chicago, too, can be added to this list. We have a huge rift between our northside and southside. Do not allow my being a southsider have any influence. I have been called a northsider stuck inside a southsider’s body.

Here, then, is a Chicago lesson on the differences between the North side and South side. The north side is located on the north side. The same can be said for the south side, except that it is located on the south side. This was discovered without the aid of a GPS navigation system.

Northsiders (those who live on the North side) have an erudite way of speaking. They use the word ‘cosmopolitan’ in every sentence. A typical conversation may go: “I’ve been to Cleveland. It’s nice, but not cosmopolitan enough for me,” or, “Have you gone to the new French Bistro place on Lincoln Ave.? It’s above average, but just not quite cosmopolitan.”

The closest a southsider comes to the word cosmopolitan is, “Did you check out the jugs on that Cosmo cover?”

Food is different between the two areas. There, the North side, they eat sushi. And not only talk about it, brag about. For those who don’t know (and I was one of you not long ago), sushi is raw fish.

The southsiders hold a basic belief for cuisine. Fish got to be cooked, beer has to be cold, and coffee has to be hot. The more meat in your meal the better. High cholesterol is a communist plot to keep us away from the things we love.

While almost every other Northsider is a vegetarian, there are maybe two on the south side. Brewsters Beef here down the street offered a vegetarian sandwich about 3 years ago. It’s still there. They put it in the freezer, so it’s probably still good if someone wants it.

On the North side you never just ask for coffee. If you do, everyone will stop and look. The coffee guy may have to look it up. But, they don’t call them ‘coffee guys’ there. They are called ‘barristers.’ How they got English lawyers to come and pour their coffee, I’ll never know. But they need them because up north every coffee order must include at least 5 parts in the title: A mocha-latte-soy-with light cream and imported beans, please.

On the south side, there might be trouble if you ask for cream in your coffee. They might say, “Getta a milk shake, why don’t ya?”

Travel is different. Northsiders travel to Dubai and Monte Carlo.

Southsiders go to flea markets and Wisconsin Dells.

Northsiders brag about their new cars.

Southsiders brag about fixing their old cars.

But, come on over to Chicago and find out for yourself.

Ajijic News Editor note: Sushi combines vinegar seasoned rice seafood and vegetables and actually means vinegar rice. The word Sushi broken down means, Su (vinegar rice), and Shi (meaning Cooked Rice and is a shortened word of Meshi). Sashimi is raw fish.

Southsiders note to the Ajijic News Editor’s note: Take it from me, don’t come to the south side of Chicago and ask for sushi. You can ask for a slushi, but not a sushi or a sashimi. The word fish broken down is fish. Where I live, they come in a box and in sticks.